I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
