hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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