She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
