dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
