Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
