I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
