but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
