im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
