I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
