Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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