went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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