I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
