Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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