can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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