I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
