Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
