if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
even my farts smell like vagina
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
