When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We need to get me chipped asap
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
