Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
