That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
