mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
jump out the window naked night went bad
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
