wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
