Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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