I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
