I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just cut my nipple shaving
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm having to shit out rocks
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