as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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