TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
