ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You took a bar mat shot.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
