he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Houston, we have a squirter
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
