just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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