After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
