Don't you send me to vm
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
