I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just blew my weed a kiss
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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