He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
