Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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