The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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