she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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