he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
