When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
