im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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