Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
