and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
