If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
