I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I don't think brook has ever known best
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
