Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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