my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
