Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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