when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
