Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Operation Purity has been aborted
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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