perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
