I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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