im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
