he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
