1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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