It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
